I moved back to West Virginia right before my birthday in October. A position at a company that I had been networking with for a few years finally had an opening for an Accountant and Fulfillment Manager. The VP/CFO contacted me directly to see if I was still interested in the position and returning to my home state. A couple phone calls and some salary negotiation and I was turning in my notice at my current position, putting my house back on the market (it was off the market for maybe 48 hours!) and planning my move back home. In less than 2 weeks I was back in WV starting my new job. I moved back with my clothes, dog, and cat in tow.
My parents have so graciously allowed me to move back into my bedroom at their house until my house in Virginia sells. Carrying the mortgage makes renting or buying here impossible. Keeping the thought that "this is only temporary" in the forefront of my mind, I was not unpacking or organizing my clothes in my room. I felt that it would be wasted effort. That as soon as I got everything unpacked and organized, my house would sell and I would have to repack everything. After about a month, I was going CRAZY! Everything had a place at my house and was organized. I couldn't take it any more. I am only slightly more organized than I was...because I have no room for anything!
I was also getting cross contaminated (glutened) and was not feeling well. I was becoming very irritable and short with everyone. It was not personal, so I apologize if you fell victim. I went back to my house in VA to gather up some of my kitchen belongings....mixing bowls, plates, bowls, glasses, silverware, etc hoping to eliminate, or at least decrease the cross contamination. My mom has been a real trooper learning how to prepare gluten free meals. She gets overwhelmed at times because she forgets about how the tiniest slip up can cause me hours of pain.
After Christmas, I realized that I was angry with God. (Did I just type that?!?!) I have been doing my very best to go where he leads and I was getting frustrated with my house not selling, living with my parents after being on my own for 13 years, and just losing patience with my prayers being unanswered...in my timing. I threw a temper tantrum like a small child in a candy store. I was keeping my faith (at least in my mind), but my prayer life wasn't the same. It has been on the upswing since my childish outburst and slowly getting back on track.
I was standing in church during worship last Sunday and Adam, our worship leader, was talking about a new song we were about to sing.titled "Oceans" by Hillsong United. He referenced a story in Matthew 14 where he walked on water as did Peter. (you can read the story here http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%2014:22-33 ) Peter had faith to step out of the boat and walk towards Jesus. As long as he kept his eyes on him, he was fine. He began to look away and think about other things and he started to sink and became frightened. This song spoke so strongly to my heart that day as if Jesus himself were standing in front of me, encouraging me to keep looking at HIM. He was not scolding me for my childish outburst, but comforting me and encouraging me that as long as I keep my focus on him, everything will work out the way it should. Please click on the link to listen to the song.
How awesome is it that our Father loves us this much?! It doesn't matter how many times we fail, he is always waiting for us with his arms wide open, welcoming us back.
This was the breath of fresh air I was so desperately needing. Thank you, God.
