2013 Travels to date.

Well, I've made a few short trips since my last post and have been doing my best to make positive changes in my life. 

A week or so after my last post, I was in a car accident.  Thankfully, everyone was ok.  My car sustained a couple thousand dollars in damage, though.  Below are pictures of my damaged car and then how great Collision One did with the repairs so I could still make my college roommate ski weekend in Snowshoe, WV!

The damage...

All fixed!!  :)

I met up with one of my college roommates and her husband to begin our ski weekend.  It was some MUCH needed time catching up with Charity and Brent and enjoying the snow and mountains in my home state.  Our second night at Snowshoe, the now young man, I have mentored since he was 8 (now 20!) joined us.  Oh how I enjoy are time together and being the best role model I can be for him.  The clock in our condo had a dead battery, there was paneling on the walls, and it was...well...dated!  Every time we would look to see what time it was, we would discover that it was still "11:13!"  This quickly became our key phrase of the weekend and answer for almost everything!

The view of the mountains (and ski slope) from our condo.

Me and Callie-Gator (as her dad calls her)

In February, I made my first trip of the year home to visit my family.  There was a benefit dinner for my friends who lost their 3 year old daughter and mother in an auto accident the Friday before Christmas.  I enjoyed spending time with them and seeing how well little Callie was recovering. 

Baby Jase, me, & Brody

I also got to visit with 2 of my nephews.  It was my very first time meeting my newest nephew, Jase.  It was definitely love when I finally got to see and hold him.











My nieces couldn't wait to teach me how to "properly" make a snow angel.  Paige gave me specific instructions and it was a blast!
"First, you have to put on your snow clothes.  Next, you go outside, lay down in the snow and start moving your arms and legs back in forth REALLY fast.  Last you get up and you have a snow angel!"  It was great fun and my older sister has it on video.

Brooke, myself, & Paige after the "Snow Angel Lesson"

 In March, I went to Washington, D.C. with some of my Richmond friends for the National ShamrockFest.  There were a lot of great bands and I think fun was had by all. Friday night, we went to a pub where my AKPsi brother was DJing.  It was great to see him and catch up with a college friend.

My AKPsi brother, Matt Statler and myself

Below is a photo I took of one of my favorite bands at ShamrockFEST.  Niko Naow is the lead singer.  This band was a lot of fun...and they even had a kilt competition...if you know what I mean! ;)

Lead singer of Celkilt, Niko Naow

Rusty, me, Ed, Ryan, and Sarah at ShamrockFEST 2013

In April, my family came to visit me for Easter.  This marked my 3rd year hosting Easter.  We usually do the non-traditional meal for Easter and do a cookout.  On Saturday, we went to the National Zoo in Washington, D.C.  It was a long day and there weren't a lot of animals out and about, unfortunately.  Brooke and Paige enjoyed riding the metro and seeing our National Capital.  I always enjoy incorporating learning with fun experiences.

Elephant at the National Zoo

Brooke & Paige standing with a Grizzly

 As one of our traditions, we always go to BassPro when my family comes to visit.  My nieces love looking at the fish, looking a fishing poles, etc.  Paige was slightly concerned that this Grizzly might "get her", but Brooke convinced her that it wouldn't and they posed for a quick picture.

I

 I also went "home" in April.  It was such a great weekend at home and was very hard to leave.  I spent as much time as I could playing with my nieces and nephews.  I also saw how much work needs to be done on my property in WV.  There never seems to be enough time to do everything.  Currently, I feel that spending as much quality time with my family and friends is where I need to have my focus.

Brooke, Paige, and Brody...being silly!

Brooke and Paige playing in Tyler's 4x4

In May, I headed to Virginia Beach to play in the Governor's Cup Volleyball Tournament.  Saturday was cool and windy.  Unfortunately, one of the guys my team played against early Saturday morning had a heart attack and passed away.  It was such a hard thing to watch/experience. 

There were MANY activities going on that weekend in VA Beach.  One of the activities that interested me was the car show on the board walk.  One of my favorite past time activities is going to car shows.  I even found my all time dream car!  1969 Stingray Corvette, blue, 4 speed on the floor!  I was infatuated!

VA Beach Governor's Cup 2013

Me with my dream car... '69 Vette - VA Beach 2013

I went back "home" for Memorial Weekend.  My mom and I carried on my grandmothers tradition of decorating the graves.  My dad and nieces joined us as we visited my great-grandfather's grave at the National Cemetery in Point Marion, PA.  Brooke noticed that she shared a birthday with him.  We decorated graves in 3 different cemeteries.  

Paige and her Monkey, Ruby

Paige broke her leg in May and has a cast on that goes just below her knee.  For a week or 2 she had to be carried... EVERYWHERE!  Thankfully she still fits in a stroller, but those don't work that well inside the house.  I treated her to a trip to Build-A-Bear.  However, the nearest one is in Pittsburgh, PA...1.5 hours away from my parents house!  The girls went to church with me at Chestnut Ridge Church and then we headed to South Hills Village Mall for Paige to make her stuffed Monkey, Ruby, who also has a cast.  The girls were excellent and I loved every minute with them!  We also ate at Red Robin, which was a first for them.  They enjoyed their food and we went over the states in the United States, some matching, and other activities on the children's menu.

Connor coloring

Memorial Day was spent visiting my great-aunt Erma.  She was mending some of my skirts/dresses for me and we enjoyed conversation.  I also visited with a couple from my parents church.  I had hoped to spend most of the day with my college roommate, Judi and her family.  I hadn't seen them in 15 months.  I was getting concerned that my nephew, Connor, would forget who I am.

He has grown SO much and is so smart!  He was coloring and telling me how blue is his favorite color.  I told him that blue is also my favorite color.  I hope to get to see him more frequently and for more than an hour at a time.







This Saturday, June 15th, I will board a plane to Port au Prince Haiti for a mission trip.  Prayers for travel safety, health, weather, etc. are greatly appreciated.  I also pray that God uses us to his glory to bless the Haitians and full time missionaries while we are there.  I will be keeping a journal of my/our experiences while I am there.  I am unsure of internet access while I am there, so I might not be posting anything until I return.

Thanks for reading and God Bless!

Broken & Homesick

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoyced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now.

Help me Lord 'cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But even if you showed me the hurt would be the same
'Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now. 

In Christ, there are no goodbyes
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again, to see you again

Homesick by Mercyme

The lyrics above have been constantly on my mind.  I haven't felt this homesick since my sophomore year of high school when I spent the summer studying at Princeton University in New Jersey.  It was my very first time away from home...and knowing ANYONE!  I have been living on my own for almost 12 years.  It seems odd to be feeling homesick now.  I have been praying for God to lead me where he wants me to go.  I have said that I will "keep my tent pegged lightly in the ground" and have often told others that I am like a tumbleweed.  You never know where I'll be the next time you talk to me.  Maybe it is a maturity thing and realizing that, yes, I can make it on my own, but realizing how nice it is to have those who love me, and I love, close by.  After years of abusive relationships and being out to prove them... or myself... that I am smart, pretty, and able to take care of myself, I realize that maybe, just maybe it isn't a bad thing to have someone to take care of me.

In the month of December, one of my good friends lost her brother tragically.  My heart was broken for her, her sister-in-law, and the rest of her family.  The grief I thought I had finally overcome, started fleeting back.  I'm sure the approaching Christmas holiday had a little to do with it as well.  I was trying to figure out how to accomplish my work tasks and get to WV to support her in her grief.  I am saddened that I have not yet been able to meet up with her and hug her.  However, I hope she knows that I am here for her and not a day goes by that I do not think of her or see the brilliant smile her brother, Jim, always seemed to have on his face.  Jim and Amy inspired me to go on a mission trip.  As it turns out, I ended up going to Honduras!  The same country they frequented on their mission trips.  I was looking forward to meeting up with Jim and Amy to share my experiences with them.  Also, Jim and I shared a birthday.  I didn't know Jim that well, but Carla's face would ALWAYS light up when she would tell a story about her "baby brother".

One of the hardest events for me to overcome in my life was the tragic death of my aunt, uncle, and cousin in April 2003.  They died in a house fire.  I grew up 2 doors down from them and JR was more like a brother to me than a cousin.  Just as I'm sure Carla, Amy, Jim's parents, Aaron, Rachel, and Danny feel, my world stopped.  It took A LONG time for it to start turning again.  I pray that my friends believe me when I tell them I understand and I'm here for them.  I also pray that they have a strong support system and that no one EVER tells them that their loved one is "dead and gone and never coming back! So they just need to get over it!" like I was told.  Please be sensitive to those who have lost a loved one.

Me, my cousin, JR, and Kim - Oh how I wish he were still here!

JR, Aunt Joy, and Uncle Dean.  This picture was taken just days before they died in a house fire.

The Friday before Christmas, my high school friends, Aaron and Rachel, lost their 3 year old daughter and Aaron's mother in an automobile accident.  Their 20 month old daughter was also injured and is currently in Health South Rehabilitation Center.  You can read more about this by clicking Here.  Jane, Aaron's mom was driving on snowy/icy roads when her car fishtailed.  She crossed over the yellow line and was T-boned by a F-350 pickup truck.  The car seat Laurel was riding in broke in half.  Callie was thrown from her car seat and sustained serious injuries.  Thankfully, she is healing but prayers of healing and comfort are always welcome! 

Starting 2013 was very sad for me.  I was stressed with work and heartbroken for my friends.  Anyone who truly knows me knows that I will do everything in my power to make others happy.  I cannot stand to see others hurting.  Unfortunately, my desire to help others and see them happy has been misconstrued into something negative.  I cannot let this stop me from letting my light shine for God.  December has left me feeling helpless...but I refuse to be hopeless 

In preparing for my mission trip to Honduras in 2012, I prayed that God would break my heart for what breaks his.  WOW!  Did he EVER answer this prayer.  Maybe I have spent the past 6 years with a hardened heart and I have opened up to "feel" again?  Maybe I'm maturing...or turning into my mother, where I will cry at a commercial on TV?!  I have definitely become softer...and tears fill my eyes more these days than they have in the past. 

Last Thursday, I was really struggling to keep the tears from flowing at work.  I was hard pressed to meet end of year deadlines, and could NOT concentrate.  I kept praying for God to help me.  I couldn't do it on my own.  I took a few minutes to look through my Jesus Lives devotional that Jervetta Burns gave me before I left for Honduras.  I came across this devotional and it helped give me some peace.

Brokenness

YOUR WEAKNESS AND BROKENNESS DRAW ME EVER SO NEAR YOU.  You can open up to Me because I understand you perfectly.  My compassion for you is overflowing.  As you open yourself to My healing Presence, I fill you with Peace that transcends understanding.  So stop trying to figure everything out.  Instead, lean on Me, letting your head rest on My chest.  While you rest, I will be watching over you and all that concerns you.

Trust Me in the depths of your being, where I live in union with you.  My healing works in you is most effective when you are actively trusting Me.  Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing Love for you will not be shaken.  This is the essence of My compassion for you: No matter how desperate your circumstances, the one thing you can always count on is My unfailing Love.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  ~ Philippians 4:6-7

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.  ~ Proverbs 3:5

"Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken nor my covenant of peace be removed," says the Lord, who has compassion on you.
~ Isaiah 54:10

I find great comfort in God's promises.  I do not understand why all of these tragedies are taking place.  Jim passing, the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary, Laurel and Jane passing away in a car accident, marriages ending, and the list continues.

Saturday, my plans were changed last minute.  I decided to look at the positives instead of being saddened that I didn't get to have lunch and catch up with a friend.  I spent the day cleaning my house and putting the last of the holiday decorations up in the attic.  I bought curtains for the master bedroom before Christmas and decided to hang the curtain rod/curtains.  A house project I could do alone, but think it would be more fun to share with someone.  I looked at how far out I wanted the curtain rods to go past the window frame.  Not thinking, that is where I marked for the brackets!  I drilled the holes and hung the curtains.  When I stepped back, hoping to admire my work, my stomach sank!  How could I be so stupid?!  It looks ridiculous!  I took a picture and sent it to one of my friends asking for advice on how to fix it.  I was SO mad at myself for drilling holes in my wall in the wrong place!  (Again, if I were completing the project with someone else, they might have pointed this out to me BEFORE drilling the holes!)  They suggested a solution and when I tried that, I drilled into a stud.  Normally, this would be considered the best option.  However, I was not anticipating this (I didn't use a stud finder) and the drill bit I used was too big for the screws for the curtain rod.  I don't have a power screwdriver and I'm not strong enough to screw the screws into the stud by hand.  I felt like a complete failure.  So after texting my friend again, we decided it would be best to stop (preventing me from doing further damage i.e. drilling more holes in my walls) and wait until my dad comes down at Easter.

I ended up passing on watching a football game with my friends later that evening.  I think all of the stress (mental and emotional) over the past few weeks finally caught up to me.  I put on my pjs and cried myself to sleep.

Here are some pictures of my Curtain Rod Fail...

Drilled the holes for the brackets too far away from the window frame

 

The tool to correct my mistake...

Now, for the "Do Over"

I forced myself out of bed Sunday morning for church.  The devil TRIED to talk me out of it but he failed!  Pastor Rick spoke on "Your Legacy".  (To read, watch, hear more from Pastor Rick, click here)  It was what I needed to hear.  I left church feeling a little bit better and felt like I had the "ammunition" I needed to get through the week ahead.  Pastor Rick challenged us to always turn to the word of God for all our needs and asked us if we had a "life verse".  I pondered this ALL day.  I have my favorite verses in the Bible that I reference frequently, but didn't know that any of them would be considered my "life verse".  I have always wanted to help others, celebrate with them on their accomplishments, and help them through their struggles.  As I was reading through some of my favorite verses in Ephesians, I came across this verse and it hit with such conviction, I immediately knew that this is my "life verse".  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:2  Do you have a life verse?

 This is another song that I have been listening to a lot lately. It is by Matthew West.

"Strong Enough"

You must
You must think I'm strong
To give me what I'm going through

Well, forgive me
Forgive me if I'm wrong
But this looks like more than I can do
On my own

I know I'm not strong enough to be
everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
For the both of us

Well, maybe
Maybe that's the point
To reach the point of giving up

Cause when I'm finally
Finally at rock bottom
Well, that's when I start looking up
And reaching out

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Cause I'm broken
Down to nothing
But I'm still holding on to the one thing
You are God
and you are strong
When I am weak

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

Oh, yeah

I know I'm not strong enough to be
Everything that I'm supposed to be
I give up
I'm not stong enough
Hands of mercy won't you cover me
Lord right now I'm asking you to be
Strong enough
Strong enough
Strong enough

I'll be Home for Christmas...

For some reason, I have not been able to get excited about Christmas this year.  2012 has been full of ups and downs.  I'm so thankful for so many blessings and that God has been my rock through all of the hard times and good times this year.  My family and myself faced a lot of health concerns this year.  I FINALLY got a diagnosis via biopsy at the end of October. 

Back to why I couldn't get into the "Christmas Spirit" this year.  I have been dealing with a new diet/life style change...going gluten free.  Then all of the medical bills started coming in needing to be paid.  I guess I was becoming overwhelmed with all of this and the "material" side of Christmas and felt as though everyone in my circle was missing the true reason for the season.  I asked for my health back for Christmas.  I just wanted to spend time with my family and loved ones.  I ended up getting my family what they asked for but still didn't have the joy in my heart like I have in years past.  Christmas has ALWAYS been my favorite holiday!  Why was I feeling such melancholy?!

Christmas Tree & presents at my Parents' house

1st Christmas Tree in my new house

I guess it was just God's way of preparing me for the Christmas I was about to have.  In the week leading up to Christmas, I worked so diligently on getting payroll out since it was the last one of the year and doing my best to ensure the W-2s would be correct.  Thursday, around 3:30, I receive a call from Finance stating that there was no regular pay for all the executives on the journal entry.  And this is where the nightmare started!

On Friday, I was working to correct the biggest mistake of my payroll career when I receive a message about a car accident in WV and I know those involved.  My heart sank. The messages just got worse from there.  I was informed that Jane Miller has died as a result of the accident and she had 2 of her granddaughters in the car with her.

Jane Miller

I got out of work as quickly as I could to start my journey to WV to be with my longtime friends, Aaron and Rachel Miller.  I knew the weather conditions were not in my favor.  Blizzard warnings, freezing rain, snow, and white out conditions.  This still wasn't enough to keep me from being there to support my friends during this tragedy.

Laurel Brook Miller

An hour into my trip, I received a call from my mom I prayed wouldn't come.  Laurel, Aaron and Rachel's 3 year old daughter, has not survived her injuries from this accident.  My heart was absolutely broken.  For me, my friends, and their entire family.  I immediately called my prayer warrior sister in Christ, Jervetta.  She immediately started praying over me, Rachel, Aaron, and Callie as I drove on to WV.

I did my best to focus on driving...and safely.  There is absolutely no need for another accident!  Due to the bad weather, it took me longer than usual to get to WV.  I was able to spend all of that time in prayer.  I kept praying for God's comfort and grace over Aaron, Rachel, Danny, and the rest of the Miller/McCrum families.  I was angry that such a horrible thing could happen to such wonderful people.  Especially people who have already had to endure such pain and loss.  I prayed for peace in me as well.  I know it is ok to question God.  I told him that I honestly don't understand why he had to take Jane and Laurel so soon, but I know he doesn't make mistakes.  He must have something really special planned and we just aren't ready to see it yet.  My constant prayer is that God is able to reveal himself in this trial and that he is able to heal Callie's physical injuries to where she is 100% again, and heal all of the broken hearts.

This is a picture of Callie on Christmas Eve in PICU at Ruby Memorial Hospital

My older sister, Kim, and I were headed to the hospital Saturday morning.  This is a picture of the much improved roads from that I drove home on the night before.  The church in the distance is the church I grew up in...Sugar Valley United Methodist Church.

After arriving at the hospital, Kim and I embraced Rachel in a hug and just cried.  I apologized for not getting there sooner.  In typical strong Rachel fashion, she hugged me back and said, "it's ok.  I couldn't get here soon enough."

I bit my bottom lip so hard fighting back tears during my visit that I had my bottom lip bleeding by the time I left.  It was difficult trying to be strong for my friends when, in all honesty, I didn't have to put up this strong front for my friends.  I know God gave me this strength to support my friends.

It turns out, I ended up getting what I asked for for Christmas.  I got to spend time with my friends and family.  I just wish it would've been a more joyful time spent with them.  In 31 Christmas's, this was by FAR the saddest one ever and I hope I never have to experience another one like it ever again.

I did hug my nieces, nephew, and family tighter and longer this trip.  I am so grateful to have such a strong support system.  I will close this entry with a picture of my nephew and his "master piece" and me with my nieces on Christmas morning.  God bless you all!

Brody LOVED the window crayons I got him for Christmas!

Brooke & Paige loved to help me in EVERYTHING I do!  <3

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.  ~ Proverbs 3:5